In four days, it will be Valentine. There are fanatics who wouldn’t miss it for anything and those who don’t give a shit about it. This year I decided to take side with Valentine’s boycotters just for the pleasure of controversy. Here are 10 excuses not to celebrate Valentine!
1. You have a weak stomach! Christmas, New Year, King’s Day, Candlemas Day, Fat Tuesday… You multiplied food and alcohol orgies so you are sick as a dog! One more celebration and you’re gonna explode!
2. We are in times of crisis! You have a miserable salary or you are unemployed, you have rent to pay not to sleep under bridges, you must contribute to retirement, inflation is back, you have to think about tuition fees of your (imaginary) children… Dear Valentine’s supporters, just go to hell, it’s our right to be broke (or stingy)!
3. You want to save your relationship! Numerous studies (more or less scientific) prove it: the largest peak in terms of ruptures takes place on Valentine’s Day! Why? Because of fires due to careless use of candles, food poisoning because one wanted to play Master Chef, gifts didn’t meet your expectations, an ex dared to call you during your romantic dinner…the list goes on.
4. You’re not a sheep! Why should we feel obliged to celebrate love on February 14? Who decided to impose this ridiculous dictatorship?! If you really love someone, you don’t need a commercial celebration to remember!
5. You will not be accomplice of manslaughter! I am sure that the number of suicides or suicide attempts increase on Valentine’s Day because some unfortunate souls are confronted with the painful reality that NOBODY loves them! Think about all the single people in the world, show solidarity.
6. Girl excuse: you have your period! Abstinence (or breakup for the most intolerant boyfriends) will be the only thing to celebrate! Admit that having your period on V-Day is the worst poisoned gift…
7. A family member is dying (or very sick)! Family is sacred. This can also be used as a test to see if your significant other really cares about you or if they are a perfect selfish asshole/bitch!
8. You’re not in love! It may sound harsh but this is the most honest excuse and celebrating a lie is the last thing you want. Don’t forget that honesty is essential in a relationship…
9. You still have feelings for your ex! Same principle as the previous excuse. It’s better to be honest with yourself, the other and your heart.
10. You’re still single! The reason could not be clearer. Sometimes, staying in your pyjama with a Disney movie and takeaway is all you need. Admit that it’s tempting!
And you, what are your excuses not to celebrate Valentine? Don’t hesitate to give your opinion in the comment field. Hugs ♥