Short story number 27!

Dear aspiring writers,

Here is my twenty-seventh short story, enjoy reading!

nutella heart pancake

When carelessness meets responsibilities…

Keline is twenty-four years old but she looks eighteen. She loves watching Disney movies, sticking out her tongue when her friends take a selfie, wearing bright colors, having breakfast at night once a week, eating Kinder Surprise and arranging to have others to do the boring stuff for her. Seeing that, you might think that she is just an immature kid. But actually, Keline is a very smart girl. Her child-like woman attitude did not prevent her to finish top of her class last year. It is just that the adult world annoys her and acting like a kid, except for important situations, allows her to put more color and joie de vivre in her life! She has a four year old sister and her parents continue to infantilize her so it does not help her grow… About her love life, Keline has never had a lasting relationship, her ex boyfriends were quickly tired of her childish side. Keline suffered a lot because of it but never wanted to change. 

Axel is twenty-three years old but he is very mature for his age. He does not look old but he knows how to behave like an adult. His dad died in a car accident when he was six years old and his mum made him accountable for his little brother as soons as he turned seven. He was the one who helped his mother cook, watched his brother, hoovered and did the shopping at the grocery store. He also learned the value of money by doing summer jobs every year since he turned eighteen. His main flaw is that Axel has matured too fast, he did not have a childhood like others. Axel likes to manage everything by himself and his mum feels guilty from time to time. Even when she offers her help at home, he has trouble delegating. Axel literally became the head of the household… He has not had many girlfriends because he is very demanding and always puts his family first. His ex girlfriends were sometimes even jealous of Axel’s mother because he told them that she was the woman he loved more than anything, without however being incestuous. 

Keline and Axel have a priori nothing in common but that will not stop them from falling in love…

Friday night, in Keline’s family…

-“Honey, Dad and I are going out tonight. 

Really?

We are going to the theater. Remember? Your dad is already there…

Oh yes, I almost forgot about it!

– Can you watch your sister?

– I don’t know, she could escape while I’m watching TV!

– Are you serious? Do I have to hire someone to babysit you and Elea?! I thought you were twenty-four!

Yes, I am but you keep treating me like a baby!

And I have reasons to do so! You don’t even know how to cook fish sticks without burning them! And last time, you almost gave raw meat to your sister!

One minute of cooking in less and the fish sticks would have been perfect. Don’t exaggerate, Mum! And for the meat, I thought it was a beef tartare… You said that you had already cut the meat and that we just had to take the plate in the fridge!

You are killing me! How can you be so smart at school and so stupid at home?! Do I have to explain to you every single thing?! Even a kid could do it!

Stop screaming, Mum! I have a terrible headache…

Really, honey? Are you dizzy? Do you feel nauseous?

I don’t know, you are the doctor! It’s ok, just go. Dad is waiting for you!

Oh my God, you wear me out! Are you sure you’re ok?

– It’s just a stupid headache. Go! 

I don’t feel serene, maybe I should stay…

Are you kidding me?! I sold a kidney to offer you those theater seats and it’s non-refundable! Go!

Ok, let me just make a phone call…

Ok, let me see if Elea is still in her room…”

Two minutes after…

– “Keline, Elea! I’m leaving!

Finally, have fun and hurry up, you’re almost late!

Bye Mum, enjoy the show!

Thank you, sweetie. Oh, one last thing!

What now?

Axel arrives in ten minutes!

Who is Axel??

The son of my colleague Christine. He often does babysitting on weekends to make extra money…

Are you serious?! You called a babysitter?! I’m twenty-four! Remember?

Yes, you are. But you’re also sick and immature. I don’t want Elea to bear the brunt of your thoughtlessness. 

What?!

What?!

Elea, stop repeating what your sister says! And don’t look at me like that, Keline! You should thank me, you just have to rest and Axel will watch Elea. Now just relax, honey, you look awful.

As you wish… Bye Mum!”

When Axel arrives and Keline opens the door, the young man thinks that he is in the wrong apartment. Then he thinks that Keline is a second babysitter because they are dealing with a difficult child! Downhearted, she explains the situation to him and he looks at her as if she was crazy before bursting out into laughter!

Keline feels ashamed and offers him a glass of coke. Then they sit on the couch with Elea who absolutely wants to watch “Frozen” for the fifth time in a week. Keline is too tired to protest and Axel just wants to do his job. He has never seen this Disney movie and rediscovers the joys of childhood…

At the end of the movie, Elea is already asleep and Keline must carry her sister to her bed. When she comes back in the living room, Axel is no longer on the couch. He is looking at Keline’s diploma which is hung on the wall. He congratulates her for her degree and her valedictorian title. Keline thanks him and asks him if he is hungry. They share a frozen pizza and decide to make crepes for dessert while getting to know each other. Axel understands that the childish attitude of Keline is just a facade and that she is much more intelligent than she seems.

Keline gives him advice to see life in a happier angle and Axel teaches her to behave more like an adult. Their complementary exchanges are very pleasant and they suddenly feel attracted to each other. Keline has a bit of Nutella on her lips and when Axel approaches to remove it with his fingers, they kiss like teenagers, timidly at first and then passionately.

See, love always happens when you least expect it…

thanks  22

Hope you enjoyed this short story. Have a nice evening 🙂

 

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. i like the way you write your story – it is really a plot line that could be a movie. I have thought of stories like that and always felt – oh i just cant write the novel – i dont want to go on and on about it – i just want to make the point. thats what you do in your story. it was fleshed out enough to really be able to be seen and there was that bit of live dialogue, then the end happened. that is a great technique. it is so contrary to what ” they ” teach you – like let the character development take place over time etc , let the character be revealed in the story. I love how you do it- no wasting time. Fill in the back ground without a whole lot of blah blah blah. in a movie – yeah you could make a chic flick take an hour or two to reveal the whole character but if you cant be bothered with all that – just get the idea down on the page. ok im saying way too much over and over again. This is to say – congratulations on your story form. if im the teacher im giving you an A for inventing a new form. A story which is a story line. like a von economo neuron – it takes a few story lines, digests them in one big lump and then proceeds rapidly and simply to a close. VERY GOOD

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for your kind and constructive comment, you made my day!!! I’m glad you like my short story, regards 🙂

    Like

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