Short story number 18!

Dear aspiring writers,

Have you already written letters that you never sent because you were afraid of the reaction of the other? This is the theme that I would like to develop in my eighteenth short story, enjoy reading!

i wanted to tell

All the things I wanted to tell you…

”                                                                                                                      July, 10th 2013

Dear James,

How are you and how is your family? The last time we had spoken, things did not go well and the way our conversation ended left me with a bitter sensation of underachievement. I know we were both beside ourselves so we did not have time to fix our problems. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I hope we can meet again one day to be able to discuss without resentment. Until that day comes, take care of yourself… xxx

Sarah”

”                                                                                                                       July, 27th 2013

Dear James,

How is life in Manchester? Yesterday I had dinner with friends in this little French restaurant near Notre Dame where we went together last time. Do you remember this awful waiter who made us wait for two hours just to have our main courses? He still works here and he did it again! It made me think about you. Hope you are fine and that you found a new flat xxx

Sarah”

”                                                                                                                    August, 18th 2013

Hey James,

Happy birthday! What are you up to? I finally found a new job in Advertising and my contract will start next month, I am so happy! And guess what? I heard that Nickelback will make a tour next year in Paris! Are you still a fan of them? It would have been nice to go there together. Have an awesome day xxx

Sarah”

”                                                                                                                 September, 4th 2013

Dear James,

You probably don’t know it but today would have been the anniversary of our ten months together. I know, I am silly to think about this kind of stuff. It does not matter anymore since we broke up three months ago. So why am I talking about it? For the simple reason that I cannot forget you. I tried, I really tried but it is impossible to get you out of my head. I am still thinking that our story ended too early. Too much bullshit happened simultaneously and I regret that we were not strong enough to overcome them. I know we cannot change the past and that we have to accept it. I realized that we were not happy at the end of our relationship so maybe the breakup was inevitable. Or maybe not. Maybe we could have given a second chance to our story. But I will probably never know since you are far from me and that we did not speak since the breakup. Plus, I will put this letter in a drawer like every other, so you will never know the truth. The truth is that I still love you and I don’t want to think of another man but you. I miss your smile, your arms and your kisses. I miss the time when we were in love and when we had projects for the future. I would have liked to go on holidays in New York with you, I would have been happy to live with you one day. It’s been a month since I stopped crying but the pain still remains in my heart. You probably should think that I am stupid to keep hoping. But I kept fighting despite the difficuties, I did not collapse even if I was sad as ever. Today I have a job that I love, I got my driving license and I am training for a half marathon. You would have been proud of me. I hope that everything is fine in your life and that you are happy. Maybe we will meet again one day, who knows…

Love xxx

Sarah”

By finishing her letter, Sarah sighed heavily and put it in the drawer of her desk. As always, she felt both better to be able to evacuate her thoughts but also sad because James would never read these letters. She was preventing herself to message James on Facebook or via email because it was too tempting, fast and easy, and she was afraid of regretting her actions. To send a handwritten letter, you had to take the trouble to put it in an envelop, stick a stamp and go to the post office. There was less risk of acting hastily. Sarah was dying to send a text to James but she forced herself to resist. After all, it was James who took the decision to break up so it was not up to her to get in touch with him. If he wanted to talk to her, he was free to contact her. She did not want to contact him because she did not want to have to wait for an answer, she was too scared of being disappointed if he did not reply.

Sarah had a quick shower and went straight to bed, she was not in the mood to eat. She dreamed that her phone was vibrating and that James had sent her a message. Now she even heard the ringing of her Viber application! Nobody ever contacted her on Viber except James. Mechanically, Sarah opened her eyes and lit her bedside lamp. It was not the first time she did this kind of dream. It was ridiculous, she indulged in wishful thinking but she wanted to be sure. She had not been dreaming, James did have sent her a text!

“Hey Sarah, how are you? I didn’t hear from you for a while. How is life? I have a business trip in Paris next month and I would like to take the opportunity to see you if you agree. There are plenty of things I would like to tell you. Hope to see you soon, take care xxx”

Still in shock, Sarah reread the text of James for the third time to be sure that she was not dreaming. It was real and he wanted to see her again! Although she felt deliriously happy, she had to keep a cool head. It was not because her ex recontacted her that everything would work out like magic! She should not have false hopes. Her naivety had already played tricks on her in the past, she had to remain lucid. Maybe this message was just friendly and James proposed to see her by courtesy. Or maybe he met someone else and wanted to tell her officially? Everything was possible, the only solution to find out was to meet him.

Nervous, Sarah waited until the next day to answer him, she did not want to seem desperate. She just wrote James a brief message to tell him she was fine, that many good things happened to her recently and that she would be glad to share them with him during his stay in Paris. It was useless to give details, it was better to arouse his curiosity. They continued to send each other few messages until D-Day.

Four weeks later, James proposed to Sarah to meet her for a drink after his working meeting. The moment of truth was approaching! Sarah had carefully prepared herself without giving the impression she was going on a date. She should not show him her expectations or take the risk of making him run away. The most important was to succeed in talking calmly with him and have a good time together.

The reunion went well. James and Sarah managed to speak without resentment. Apparently he was still single, had a promotion and had moved in a new apartment. James congratulated his ex for her license and her new job, and even expressed his admiration when she told him she would take part in a half marathon. Running had reinforced her mental strength and her determination, and James liked this new change. As things seemed going well, James suggested they have dinner together. Sarah naturally agreed, it would be an opportunity to talk more.

They awaited the end of the main course to approach the subject of the breakup and managed to discuss like adults. James even apologized for his attitude in the past, Sarah could not dream better but she forced herself to temper her enthusiasm. She asked her ex how long he would stay in Paris. He was there until the end of the week and asked Sarah if he could meet her again before his departure. She was dying to say yes but pretended to have other plans. She did not want to become attached to him again too quickly, her heart was still fragile.

At the end of the evening, James told Sarah he was happy to see her again and that she looked great. She returned the compliment and it was time to say goodbye. They kissed like old friends and each one went home.

Sarah had other opportunities to see her ex again and each time she tried to keep a friendly facade. She did not want James to believe that she was granted and she was absolutely right since it was James who started to become crazy about her. She let him marinate until the sixth reunion and let him kiss her three months later in Manchester…

Sarah’s patience had been rewarded. She had learned to rebuild herself alone, she had become stronger, independent and attractive again. Now that James and her were together again, they had to work to build a new relationship, solid and trustworthy. Nothing was ever granted and James and Sarah understood that the duration of a couple demanded effort, compromise and continual seduction. They were now mature enough to evolve together. One year and a half after their reconciliation, they finally moved in together…

thanks 17

Hope you enjoyed this short story. xoxo 🙂

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