Who has never experienced hard times in his life? Who has never been hurt morally? It’s a fact, we are never immune to an emotional injury, whether it was caused by a relative or not. Whatever our sorrow, do we have to keep grudge ad vitam aeternam? I don’t think so. And do you know why? Being able to forgive is needed to rebuild a relationship of any kind with someone or let go of the past in order to keep moving. It is far from easy but trust me, you will lighter your heart once you have learned to forgive. Here are 18 tips to help you, get ready!
1) Learn to manage your negative emotions for your own good! When someone hurts us, sadness, anger and resentment dominate, which is totally understandable. However, you have to understand that keeping this pain and anger may make you suffer even more than the person who hurt you. So this is for yourself, for your inner well-being that you must learn to forgive.
2) Know that forgiveness is a choice! Sadness, anger and pain are not insurmountable. And nothing is unforgivable except the heinous and sordid crimes. By choosing to forgive, you grant you the freedom to let go and the ability to move forward. It will require you courage and efforts but the results are worth it!
3) Try to have an objective opinion! The harm with which you have been the victim, was it intentional? Was the situation out of control? Did the person apologize? Did she try to fix things? By trying to understand the reasons that pushed her to do so, you will be able to forgive her more easily.
4) Talk to someone you trust! Someone who will lend you a sympathetic ear and a comforting shoulder while keeping a neutral attitude. Like this, you will gain a clearer understanding of the situation. Writing your emotions can also help you to feel better.
5) Learn to remove your negative thoughts! You can do it by writing, painting, playing music or doing sport for example. For you to find what suits you best! Focussing on a leisure you love will help you to lower the pressure.
6) Be patient! Forgiveness takes time. You will have to work on it, learn to control your emotions, be determined and compassionate. Make a small step every day and you will reach your goal. Remember that love, empathy and forgiveness are stronger than anger…
7) Don’t judge the person who hurt you too quickly! You would risk to say or do something you would regret afterwards. Take the time to analyze all the elements calmly before taking a decision.
8) Listen to the version of the other! A misunderstanding can happen so quickly! Listen to everything he has to say without interrupting. The situation will not necessarily become normal again but at least you will have given him a chance to explain.
9) Show compassion! Put yourself in the shoes of the other. What would you do if the situation was reversed? Would you have reacted differently? Try to understand what were the intentions of the other. Maybe he wanted to do well and was simply clumsy, it happens. Know that a person who has done something wrong is not necessarily a bad person. Nobody is perfect. Maybe you too have hurt someone in the past unintentionally. How did you feel when you were forgiven? Probably relieved and grateful, I guess. We all make mistakes, it’s human so try to be merciful.
10) Don’t destroy any hope of reconciliation! Tell yourself that anger is not productive. Stay calm in front of the other, breathe deeply and don’t be mean.
11) Tell the other how you feel! Clearly, calmly and tactfully. Start your sentences with “I felt” instead of “you did” not to accuse him and take the decision not to dig up the past in the future. Past is past, you cannot change it, you have to accept it.
12) Don’t try to get revenge! You would hurt the person and you would trouble yourself. Don’t do to others what you don’t want done to yourself. Forgiveness has no value if it’s followed by revenge.
13) You don’t give forgiveness just to give it! You have to mean it. This is not an easy process but you will be proud of yourself later.
14) Ask yourself if this person deserves a chance to stay in your life! Up to you if you want to give her a second chance or not. Some relationships can grow after this kind of trial, only you can decide if it’s worth it.
15) Forget the past and focus on the present! This is an opportunity to make a fresh start.
16) Learn to trust again! Believe in yourself and believe in the other. Respect each other, be honest, communicate and move forward gradually. It will take time but you can do it!
17) See the bright side of things in the ability to forgive! There is no problem without solution, lost trust can be regained, making efforts to resolve a conflict can bring us closer to the other, a sad ending can turn into a happy beginning, you never know.
18) Tell yourself that giving forgiveness was the right decision! Your heart will be free of bad vibes, your mind will find peace, the other will be grateful to you and you will be able to mend your relationship bonds. You have done the hardest part by forgiving, tell yourself that the best is yet to come…
Hope these 18 tips will help you to forgive and find peace to move forward. Feel free to give your opinion in the comment field. Hugs 🙂