As you know, nobody chooses his family, but family is what we hold most precious in life. Like in all kinds of relationships, there are always ups and downs in family life. Who has never fought with his brothers and sisters? Who has never rebelled against his parents? Who never had the impression of being the ugly duckling of the family? Who has never experienced family conflict? If one of you has never been in one of these very common situations, there are only 3 possible explanations: we do not live in the same world, you are an orphan (if so, my apologies and sincere regrets) or you are incredibly lucky! So this post is dedicated to ordinary mortals eager to have better relationships with their family members. Here are 19 tips to help you!
1. Know your needs, wishes, preferences and limitations! If you know yourself, this will prevent you from falling to co-dependency (it’s good to take care of others, but it should not be to your detriment, ok?), aggressive behavior, possessiveness or manipulation towards people who are dear to you! You must feel good about yourself to avoid hurting your loved ones unintentionally. Don’t forget that when we are unhappy, we become nasty…
2. Learn to identify the personality of your loved ones! Discuss with your family members to know their opinions, their worldview and values. Don’t hesitate to ask questions if you want them to become more open! And remember to stop if you realize that the conversation exhausts them… Yep, everyone is not necessarily expansive!
3. Continue to live your own life! Do not live through the eyes of others. It’s normal to want our parents to be proud of us, but don’t force you to follow a path that doesn’t match you if it makes you unhappy. For example, it’s not because you refuse to take over the family business that they will stop loving you. True, they may be disappointed for a while but the important thing is that you are happy in your life. Deal?
4. Respect life choices of others! As it affects nobody, you must let them live as they wish. You know the saying “You should not do to others what you would not want them to do to you”! Be tolerant, you will live better…
5. Love people for who they are! True love, maternal love, for example, is given unconditionally, without expecting something in return. It’s not easy to apply but you must learn to override the flaws of your relatives to enjoy your family life…
6. Share! Don’t be selfish, be generous! I’m not talking necessarily about money. It can be a smile, a laugh, a comforting shoulder, a hug, a thought, a good time… This will allow you to have more harmonious and balanced relationships with your family!
7. Put yourself in the shoes of the other! Be empathic and show compassion to your loved ones. Differences of characters and personalities can easily cause misunderstandings. Someone can hurt you involuntarily whereas he just wanted to be honest. Don’t attack your brother because he told you that your dress makes you look fatter! Tell yourself that he just saved your life: swallow your pride and go change clothes before joining your date…
8. Listen to your interlocutors! Sometimes, it’s enough to have misheard or misunderstood to trigger a fight! Take the time to analyze what someone just told you and rephrase what you understood until the person confirms. If your ears have not betrayed you, look for a compromise rather than inflame the situation!
9. Speak frankly and go to basics! Abandon prejudices, avoid detours and openly talk about your feelings straight to the point. It will save you time and energy, trust me!
10. Assume your responsibilities! Stop accusing the others all the time and don’t play the victim if you don’t want people to end up hating you. Look for solutions instead of complaining!
11. Accept that others are able to change! Many people change as they grow, that’s life. Try to see the bright side of things and get to know the others through their new personality, it would be a shame to cut all ties!
12. Keep in touch! Show your family that you think of them. Try to see them when you can and be available when they need you, even if it’s on the phone. Out of sight does not mean out of mind. Phone, email, letter, Skype, Viber or other, no more excuses!
13. Continue to have confidence in yourself and your loved ones! It will allow you to stay positive. And have faith, you will be emotionally more stable, I promise!
14. Stay respectful! In an excess of rage or anger, we often blurt things that we don’t think. When you feel the emotions overwhelm you, take a deep breath and count silently to 3. It will help you calm down… Don’t forget that insults and aggressiveness are not constructive, they make the situation worse and you will make it difficult to your loved ones.
17. Schedule time if you have a conflict to settle! Choose a quiet place away from prying eyes and sit. Avoid public places, everyone does not need to hear what is going on in your private life!
18. Be open minded! People have the right not to agree with you. Listen to them until the end before calmly explain your point of view by pushing your comments by arguments! Unjustified remarks have no value…
19. Tell your family that you love them! Despite disputes, crises and conflicts, blood relationship (or heart link for reconstituted families) is stronger than anything. Your family will always be your family. Tell your relatives that you love them while there is still time, we have only one life!
Hope these 19 tips will help you to reconcile with your family. Don’t hesitate to give your opinion in the comment field! Hugs 🙂