The aim of this article is to protect you against one of the biggest parisian dangers. You got it, Paris would not be Paris without its famous metro! Do you know that 48 individuals are taking the metro every second? Try to imagine the result per day…it’s practically the same than Athens’ population : 4.1 millions of individuals! Scary, isn’t it?
Don’t worry, I’m gonna help you to overcome this terrible experience by giving you the perfect survival kit that every good Parisian should have. Get ready!
1. Girls, don’t let your Navigo pass in your overloaded bag to cross the tourniquet because 9 times out of 10, it won’t be detected! Think about hurry people waiting behind you! Have your pass in your hand before descending in the metro. You will save a precious time!
2. Don’t fraud. If you get caught by a Control Officer, you will have to pay a fine of 30 euros minimum. Remember, a ticket only costs 1.80 euros. And I hate perverts who stick to my ass!
3. When you are waiting for the metro, don’t stay too close to the edge of the rails. Some crazy people can kill you by pushing you on the rails. Careful!
4. Keep minimal clothing. Take off your coat, scarf, gloves and hat because the Parisian metro is always overheated. Imagine the face of your boss if you arrive at the office sweating like a pig? Ugh, no thanks.
5. Always have a deodorant spray with you. Don’t be offended, I never said you stink, calm down! You will be ok because you will respect the previous tip. However, too much people will ignore it. So, deodorant spray to purify the atmosphere and refresh the poor unfortunate souls dripping sweat around you. Don’t worry, even if some people are offended or get upset, they will finally feel thankful for this unexpected help. Yes, because you are a generous person, you think to others (and to yourself)! Also works with perfume spray but keep your Dior fragrance for a more festive occasion…
6. If you can seat, always choose a square seating. “But the metro is empty for now!” No, it will be invaded by Barbarians at the next station, trust me! So seat in the square, you will thank me later when you’ll see the other passengers compressed like in sardines cans!
7. In the most probable case where you’ll have to stand, if you’re in couple or with a friend, you should both chewing on gums and blowing to the face of the other to prevent him or her from fainting in case of unpleasant smell. Green apple, strong mint, wild strawberry or whatever, choose your flavor! This should help you to breathe.
8. Always have earphones or headphones on you, even if you’re not listening to music. Thanks to this trick, you won’t have to endure a conversation with a perfect stranger and it will be the ideal excuse not to hear the accordionist or homeless guy asking for money.
9. When you hear the bell, don’t try to remove the doors like a silly Superman. And listen to the rabbit: “Beware of trapping your hands in the doors”! Think about your precious fingers.
10. Finally, keep a hand sanitizer in your pocket or your bag for when you’ll finally get out of this hell. Indeed, metro bar is a veritable nest for germs and bacteria!
Hope these tips will save your life. If you want to share your experience of the metro or give some other tips, feel free to use the comment space.
Have a nice journey, à bientôt! 🙂